This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
