bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
