Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
