If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
