i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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