Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Everything about him screamed your future.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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