i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The feeling are messing with the penis
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
