his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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