At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
