what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The air was thick with penises
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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