Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i am craving dick and cupcakes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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