but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize