How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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