Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
