I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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