So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize