Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
