I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
