I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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