the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize