i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
