as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
