did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
