I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
