I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i out mim tonsoeep
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