Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
