just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've blown a few things in my day
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
