Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
