I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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