we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
