omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
