you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
