Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
