just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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