I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
