To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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