i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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