my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
BRING THE BAGELS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
