drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
