i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
