Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize