that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
