I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
