seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
