i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
