How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize