I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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