....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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