is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
