I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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