no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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