Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
