Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
