HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
