It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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