This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
