Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
