How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
