My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
