Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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