you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Girls should come with a carfax report
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
