my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
