direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
