i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
