i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
