I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
