I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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