I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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