Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
