He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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