I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just cropdusted the office
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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