just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
