have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
