If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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