Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
