she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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