i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
