i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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