OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize