I wanna passion pit in your ass
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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