Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
