that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
