Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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