My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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