I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
