Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
