Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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