but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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