why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
