No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
