Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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