dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
