At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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