i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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