some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
