haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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