I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
