i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am available for nakedness
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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