Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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