He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
