you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
