youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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