I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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