Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She needs sedatives and a leash
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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